These past four weeks have been a brand new experience, both good and bad. It's been the shortest and fastest four weeks of my life and I think that I've experienced every emotion known to man all within the same hour... my poor husband.
I had to go back to school a couple days after I had Travis and this is basically how it's been... My bum hurts when I sit, my feet hurt from standing and walking at clinicals and my head hurts all the time. I don't want to go to school because I want to be with my baby and I can't concentrate at school anyway because I am just thinking about my baby. When I go home I have so much homework to do, but I don't want to do it because I've been gone all day and I want to hold my baby so I hold my baby and then I feel guilty for not getting my homework done and then I feel guilty about feeling guilty. So then when I do start my homework I feel guilty about not holding him. Then my exams come around and for the first time in this program I have not read the chapters at all and I have not taken any notes and I haven't paid attention in class so I just go off of a prayer that I get a 70% on my exam because that is the minimum we are allowed. Then there is my clinicals which are anywhere from one to three times a week and they range from 8-12 hours and the twelve hour days are more like 14 hours if you count driving. So I go all day at clinicals feeling tired and crappy from getting up to pump in the night and then getting up for Travis to give Ben a break. When I get home from clinicals I am tired and worn out so all I want to do is go to sleep, but I want to hold Travis too and he is higher priority.
Things are getting better though. I see a light. We only have two weeks and then a big nasty state board exam and then I am a nurse. My bum feels a lot better, my legs don't hurt as much and my head.... well that still hurts a lot, but my mom tells me that's what having kids does to parents. Ben has been really good while I've been in school too. He gets up half the time with Travis and on nights I have clinicals he usually gets up all night with him so I just have to worry about pumping.
It's been a whole new experience. We've really enjoyed having Travis with us and if we could go back I would do the same thing again. Travis has been with me literally since day one of nursing school (my teacher felt the need to calculate) so he has been my biggest motivation to get through school. He's so cute and he's getting so chunky. It has been good for Ben and I too. It's almost like getting married all over again. It's both exciting and scary at the same time and we've gotten to see a whole new side of each other that we've never seen before. It has been good and worth all the stress.
